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angst slump

September 21, 2008

In the indie life, your entire success depends on yourself alone.  Right now I’m in a serious slump, mostly due to this bitch in a youth group I’m in.  I’m incredibly depressed, and it’s affecting my ability to work.

Self motivation is vital for someone on a path like this (an indie path) and the fact that I’m wallowing in self pity and rage at this unnamed person just won’t do any good.  But others with depression problems know exactly what I mean by a slump, it’s not an excuse or laziness, it’s a failiure of the mind to cope, and this sometimes can’t be stopped.  But, it can be helped.  I find my self in an unusual situation where my own work is comforting.  So, the bullying is awful, but I still have my asocial work to distract me and comfort me.

Here’s the worry though.  What if I’m becoming an antisocial person because of my extensive experiences with emotionally abusive people?  I mean, I’ve always wanted to meet people I would like, but what if I’ve grown so inward that I’m simply not giving them a chance?  I’m social, but I’m afraid of social scenes because they always reject me.  It’s ironic in a sense.  I guess it’s funny.  To others.  But what if the reason is that I come off as hostile?  I just don’t know.

Please forgive this rant, but I had to post this somewhere, and twitter only gives me 140 characters or less.  My question to any readers I might possibly have even if they haven’t posted there (pink floyd: “is there anybody out there?” 😛 ) is: how do you deal with slumps in motivation and emotional inner turbulence throughout the day as an indie game developer or musician?  Or whatever you do as an indie.

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2 comments

  1. Things have a way of sorting themselves out, if I’m in the mood were the can’t be bothered to work on my game or do anything productive i play games. After an hour or so i start to feel better and sometimes end up with a big revelation about how to do something in my engine, then I crack on with being a code monkey. Some of the games i play when i get like this is UT2004, Quake4, Tetris(cause it rocks) Frozen bubble(just fun). Anyway hope this helps, btw your articles kick ass.

    Peace out.


  2. thank you! bwahahaha! I have yet another comment, making my day once again! Playing video games is often my solace too. I’ve always had a passion for a good game, and I know what you mean. Right now I’m working on a game which is so original that I can’t compare it to something though, and so many other games simply can’t give ideas I could use. The look I’m going with is partly inspired by fl0w though. 🙂



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