Posts Tagged ‘class’

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plod along and learn things along the way

February 5, 2009

Well, I’m beginning to be a college insider, which is cool and all. I’m settling in to the routine. I have started making friends at an alarming rate. The person I thought died in me when I was maybe ten is coming back to life. Not really the same, maybe more mature, but definitely that person.

I was extremely sociable and kind to others as a small child, but at some point got beaten inward in to a pathetic recluse. Maybe the reversion is simply due to the fact that I no longer exist in what I perceive to be a hostile environment?

Regardless, it feels good, like the introverted dark reclusive Zen guy is integrating with my old personality, the happy nihilistic curious scientist. Put together I feel more complete than I have ever felt in my life. I think it is a good thing I have suffered so much, I would not have the perspective and scope that I do now otherwise.

What is happiness? Nothing special. I’m still not happy, and at this point I feel no inclination towards pursuing it. What I HAVE is contentment, something most people who think they are happy don’t really have. So I am grateful for that.

Now that I’m done being mister-life-story-bore-to-death-zomg-man here’s what I’m working on:

  • A clone of the Qix game. (assigned by Dr. Liow)
  • My book.
  • Concept drawings.
  • A general purpose topological graph program. (also assigned by Dr. Liow)
  • A sketchbook. (assigned by art appreciation)
  • An analytical history paper. (assigned by Dr. Karr)
  • A literature analysis paper. (assigned by Dr. Campbell)

Here’s something that’s freaking me out a bit… an art appreciation multi-choice test. I’m gonna have to CRAM that bitch. It’s just soooooo many stupid ass factoids with NO value! I already appreciate motherfucking art, I don’t need a million worthless discrete examples to confuse the matter. Whatever happened to pure enjoyment? Regardless, I feel like I’m somehow boned by this class. At least I still have a buffer, and I’m doing excellently in my other classes. *chkkkkt* over and out *chkkkkt*

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first week at college + what parents have always done wrong

January 16, 2009

Well, it’s friday, and apparently I just went through a week of classes.

  • Programming: introductory course CISS240.  FUKKEN EASY.  Not even up to syntax yet, just basic form.
  • English composition: ENGL 101.  Interesting.  Has a lot of stuff on logic driven writing so far for arguments.
  • Western Civilization History: HIST 102.  A little interesting.  The professor is kind of obnoxious and arrogant though.
  • Art.  Appreciation.  FUCK.  THAT.  SHIT.  Don’t get me wrong: I appreciate art, but I DON’T appreciate being told how.  It was the only gen ed class I could take from my late registration, and I am NOT HAPPY WITH IT.

So far, I have found the atmosphere relaxing and enjoyable.  Mostly it is the fact that I’m not being hounded every step of the way about everything.  I actually have freedom.  And… hey guess what?  I’m doing fine!  I guess my problem WASN’T that I didn’t like learning.  Which I always have.  It’s that I hate authority, and prefer to deal with others as equals.  I shouldn’t be told what to do by teachers, and I shouldn’t disturb the teacher.  The cut ups in class and the tyrannical school system both disgusted me, but those days are over.

I can visit my professors to talk with them, and we kinda just chat and talk about classes and stuff.  They aren’t ever so superior acting, and this allows me to be comfortable.  And I therefore accomplish more and cause less trouble.  I’m willing to bet my nuts most kids cut up as much as they do because of the fact that they’ve lived with bosses and authorities their whole lives.  It is the only expression of freedom they have, and they must even so be separate from others to express it.

When I was little, my parents never told me what to do.  What they did was say “here’s what you should do, and here’s why.”  Small children absorb everything they are told, so it is just as effective, but motivates them internally by giving them a reason over a pathetic external threat.  I do what I do because I want to.  The trick is to get your kids to want to do the right thing.  The reason temptation has always been considered evil is because most people are shown evil from the start as the way to go.  Hit that kid and make him shut up!

I guess my point is that in a world in which we raise our children properly, there would no longer be authority, or at least not unfounded or nagging authority.  To hound someone every step of the way wears them raw.  To hurt someone and threaten to do it again if they do it wrong teaches them to avoid being hit.  So what if you aren’t there to hit them?  You can’t keep someone in line effectively if you make it dependent on something outside them.  The solution is to make good pleasant, not a hard thing, that you better fucking do you sinner!

See my point?  There is a satisfaction is serving the greater collective.  The self is an artificial construct, and once you realize this, you can define it however you want.  It goes from being I am me and they are the others to we are the sentients.  So to serve the greater collective is to serve the self all the same, but a greater one than you and you alone.  As they say “you get out of life what you put in to it.”