Posts Tagged ‘depression’

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slumpage and the horrible economy

October 2, 2008

Well, I’m in another depression slump.  One of the major reasons is that I just found proof of a nastiness in the government I’ve suspected for a while.  This whole 700b USD bailout is not because of bad loans leading to foreclosures, I suddenly figured out where it came from: super leveraging.  In 80’s and 90’s we had a lot of ‘redlining’ which really boiled down to using rediculous leverages of like 300 to 1 in real estate and lending deals and then spinning off a billion dollar establishment, selling it, and netting the profits.  Everyone thinks they gained money, but who’s going to write the checks?  Well, it’s really not possible to keep it up, because all those stock options have to be backed by assets or profits of some kind.  But it turned out that none of this was seriously solvent.  So now that their greed has finally ruined the global economy by netting all the cash and making all the world’s assets worthless, the ones who set this up are just staying cool ’till they get their bailout, while the rest of us mundanes wait in bread lines.  I am of course referring to the Federal Reserve, which is actually a private company.  The word federal itself has fooled many americans, but look at FedEx.  They’re about as federal as Bank of America.  But it’s been run by a lot of money lenders over the years it’s been systematically ripping America off, including the Rockefellers.  They were partly to blame for the Great Depression too, as they set up a similar situation as this, (they started a rumor about a bank that went down but really didn’t.  It caused widespread panic and everyone tried to save their wealth by taking it out, and the result was a ruined economy for everyone except the already obscenely rich) but this time, the Fed has been in on it the whole way.  Here’s how: they are the only people left in the country who have cold hard gold peices.  They lend the US Treasury money for everything, which can only speak for T-bills and dollar bills.  This can only lead to an increasing debt behind the scenes, making the owners of the Fed richer and richer all the time.  That’s something of a ‘gotcha,’ so I’ll explain what they did.  Essentially, they made it pretty much mandatory to use leverages in order to succeed through market policy.  Now, all they have to do is lend a new installment of money to their rich yes-men, and since they can easily make debt ‘go away’ when they really want to, they can keep this scheme up for ever.  Hey it’s the world’s biggest pyramid scheme, how depressing.

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angst slump

September 21, 2008

In the indie life, your entire success depends on yourself alone.  Right now I’m in a serious slump, mostly due to this bitch in a youth group I’m in.  I’m incredibly depressed, and it’s affecting my ability to work.

Self motivation is vital for someone on a path like this (an indie path) and the fact that I’m wallowing in self pity and rage at this unnamed person just won’t do any good.  But others with depression problems know exactly what I mean by a slump, it’s not an excuse or laziness, it’s a failiure of the mind to cope, and this sometimes can’t be stopped.  But, it can be helped.  I find my self in an unusual situation where my own work is comforting.  So, the bullying is awful, but I still have my asocial work to distract me and comfort me.

Here’s the worry though.  What if I’m becoming an antisocial person because of my extensive experiences with emotionally abusive people?  I mean, I’ve always wanted to meet people I would like, but what if I’ve grown so inward that I’m simply not giving them a chance?  I’m social, but I’m afraid of social scenes because they always reject me.  It’s ironic in a sense.  I guess it’s funny.  To others.  But what if the reason is that I come off as hostile?  I just don’t know.

Please forgive this rant, but I had to post this somewhere, and twitter only gives me 140 characters or less.  My question to any readers I might possibly have even if they haven’t posted there (pink floyd: “is there anybody out there?” 😛 ) is: how do you deal with slumps in motivation and emotional inner turbulence throughout the day as an indie game developer or musician?  Or whatever you do as an indie.